This Mother’s Day there is another woman on my mind. A woman who I have thought about for 3 years but never knew who or where she was. That woman is my son’s birth mom. Yesterday was birth mom day and I saw quite a few posts from fellow adoptive mommas expressing how grateful they were for their child’s birth mom. I hadn’t had time to blog about our son’s birth mom because I was in the kitchen doing cake pops. So today on mother’s day, thanks to my amazing husband, I am able to sit and write about this special woman. I have thought about my son’s mom a lot. I must tell about an incident that happened to me about 2 years ago. I was in my kitchen cooking and a sad emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately started crying and knew it had to do with our child’s birth mom. I started praying for her. I didn’t know why I was praying. I thought perhaps she was giving birth. I have never forgotten about that day and I’ve even shared that with other moms wondering if anyone had experienced that. Fast forward to the early morning after we got our referral. I was lying awake at 3:00 am and thought about that moment in my kitchen 2 years past. I decided to do the math from conception to the birth of our son and realized that from that moment in my kitchen to when our son was born was about 39 weeks. Maybe I’m over spiritualizing this but I personally don’t see that as a coincidence.
We know a little bit about this precious woman’s story and it is one of courage, strength, brokenness, heartache, and pain. Someday we may share but for now we hold her story close to our hearts. I have cried several times over this young lady. I can only imagine how scared she was at her young age carrying a baby knowing the struggle that would lie ahead. But that fear didn’t stop her from doing the best she could with her precious boy. For 4 months she gave her son all that she could. This courageous woman did the best thing she could do for her son. She nursed him! And we as women know what bonding takes place when you feed a child. That physical touch, the sound and feel of her, her heartbeat, her voice, her breath, her smell, her hands and she kept his little tummy full while she probably had an empty one. Research shows how important those things are for the development of a new born. She did more for our boy than I could ever do for him. I am brought to tears by knowing this part of her. I love her so much. I am so humbled by her courage and strength.
As I want to complain about how crazy my life is right now with cake pops, painting furniture, making tutus and raising a family, I am reminded of her. She worked hard to give her child the best 4 months EVER! Now I must pick up where she left off. I thought about that last night at 10:30 after a whole day of doing pop orders. She motivates me to be the best that I can be at what God has given me. I really believe that is what she did. Her best for him was the 9 months she carried him and the 4 months following. She gave him life and love and I am forever grateful for that.
Adoption happens because of brokenness. I will never downplay the sorrow and pain that this momma (or any momma) felt as she handed her baby over to an orphanage. I can only equate it to the time that I got to be a momma to a new born baby boy a little over a year ago. Saying goodbye and watching our case worker take that sweet boy knowing there was nothing else I could do will always burn my heart. Here is a picture from that time.
It is a feeling that never goes away. The comfort I have in that experience is that God wanted us to feel a tiny and I mean very tiny bit of what our birth mom went through. I feel it is so important for me to think about the sadness and pain she felt as she did what she had to do. To never forget it and never take our adoption for granted.
To my son’s birth mom-I love you and am forever grateful for your courage and strength. For 13 months you gave the best gifts any mom could ever give. You gave love and life and I promise to hold on to that forever.